Maurette's Adventures

"Good Morning!"  "Hi, everyone! " Those are just a couple of my daily greetings to my colleague. I am usually the first one in and one of the last ones to leave so I am there to greet every single one of them. Especially the ones who are not morning people at all. It irritates the hell out of them and they love me for it. Or so I tell myself ... Greet each day with enthusiasm and you will get enthusiasm back. Start the day grouchy and it will continue so. Simples.  In a couple of weeks I will give you all a recap of my year. It has been the best one so far and I am not planning on stopping the roller coaster ride. Life is a party and I am dressing for it. Act like a tiger and you are a tiger. Just ask Tigra, she knows all about it. Tigra has been really quiet these past weeks. She is happy and content to just lie there and enjoy her bone. It is not her time yet as Maurette and Mau are smiling and glowing. Very cryptic what I am saying but in time all will b...

Interesting discussion I had yesterday regarding cheating. According to the males involved there is a difference between cheating on a girlfriend or cheating on a wife. Apparently the level of commitment between the two excuses the infidelity. Commitment towards a girlfriend is different from commitment towards a wife. The warped logic of a male mind never ceases to amaze me. There are so many things wrong with this particular one, I don't even know where to start. Let me start with the girlfriend and wife issue. Less commitment to girlfriend than to wife? Do they not realize that without full commitment at the start, they will never get to the wife stage to begin with. Let's say they progress through the relationship and get bored (for argument's sake we will assume that the reason for cheating is boredom) and cheat, or if it makes you feel better, they slipped and fell on a kitten, this girlfriend than by definition can never become a wife because that would mean they w...

Tigra is quietly slumbering in her cage. She doesn't quite like it in there but I throw her a bone once in awhile.  Occasionally she stirs and growls for some attention. Just like a child I give in randomly and sometimes I ignore her. Night will come and the sun always rises, right? I have to keep savoring the moments where she is allowed to stick a paw through the door because they are not very frequent and just like chocolate you have to enjoy it when you get it. Yesterday, Tigra started to pace again and I decided that She was allowed some fun. I could throw her a doll to play with as a reward for good behaviour. So me and J got in the car and went looking for Officer Sexy. (Oh gosh she is purring again just listening to me talking about this. Down girl down!). We drove around the streets of Philipsburg trying to find the yellow shirts of the bike patrol to no avail. We even came up with the idea to start a fight just so they have to come out of their hiding place. I ...

 Freedom of Speech. What a beautiful concept right? Say whatever you want regardless if it is intelligent or hurtful. Many a things can be hidden behind those three words. During the course of history, many a wrongs have been placated by holding up the sign: Freedom of Speech. Back in college I was up late one night studying for a final exam, my downstairs neighbors, freshmen as they were, obviously thought that finals week meant party week. It was going on 4 in the morning and they were partying hard. My next door neighbor, nice pure american southern girl knocked on my door and asked me if the music was disturbing me as well. I told her that it was so we decided to go ask them to please turn the music down. We knocked on the door and she politely asked them to be considerate as we were studying for finals. Next day, about 11 at night, I heard a lot of noise again so I peeped through the peephole and I see a bunch of guys downstairs holding back my downstairs neighbor, the freshm...

I'm looking better and better everyday and my inner diva is coming out. I walk straighter; I step like I am on a runway and dudes love me. And yet I still crave chocolate and sweet things. The psychology of this is mind boggling. How do I figure out how to not have these cravings. The doctor said by accepting that having a chocolate is OK. But that means undoing years of guilt indoctrination.

"It is not you, it is me". I tried that line and it didn't work. For some reason it only provoked the male protective hormone that makes male want to protect the female. Or it might just be my lost soul that provoked that hormone to rear its ugly head. Apparently I am a scared female running from her feelings, so used to being alone that the mere thought of sharing a life with someone else and thus opening my heart to joys and sorrow is a horrifying thought so I hide. He will not give up on me; he will continue his efforts to win my heart. Fast forward two months and this time I try the plain hard truth. I don't think of you, I don't miss you and I can care less whether I see you or not. The reply was unexpected and to be fair he is a good guy so I won't disrespect him by saying what he said. But I will tell you one thing, I am exhausted. Breaking up is a hard thing to do. I need chocolate ...

I need a secretary. I am having problems keeping all the men separated. I'm like a kid in the candy store except for one thing: I don't want the candy that wants me. This is a discussion for another time. In the meantime let me tell you about all the candidates. We got Spiderman: he's been there since before the Big O so I can't fault him for not noticing me when I was big like a brick house. Up until last week he was my solid candidate. No sparks from my side but a potential why-not. Like when 50 hits and I am still single, I will take him up on his offer. Funny story happened last week. Going through some papers at work I accidentally uncovered that Mr. Spiderman is registered as living together with his partner. Yes, you read correctly, he has a partner. This man who has propositioned me to gift myself to him on his birthday has a partner. This information I uncovered is already a year old but that is still after he made his intentions known. He is on holidays at th...

The listener is gone. He has been deleted. Shift+delete. It took me a few days to execute but I had ulterior motives.  From the moment I found out that he had three baby mamas, his seconds were counting down. I should have cut it from then but since I am now a bit looser in my behavior I thought I won't cut him until I have a replacement. So I kept him. I avoided him as much as possible but he was there to boost my confidence when I needed ... until this faithful tuesday evening One day, a tuesday afternoon, I just made plans to go karaoke at a friend's place. She had bought a karaoke machine and of course I had to go test it out and sing every single song on the list. We went there and sang for hours. Dinner went and passed I wasn't letting go of the mike. That mike was glued to my hands and I was cranking out songs like a well-oiled machine until GEBE decided to interfere by cutting us off right in the middle of Killing me softly. Always known for their party pooper atti...

Girls we know it but I believe guys are clueless about the importance of a good kiss. A kiss can explain your relationship or your potential for a relationship in about 5 seconds. Depending on how he kisses, you know how he is going to treat you. The spit kiss . The name says it all. It is a kiss that leaves your face wet like you have just been attacked by a pack of dogs and for days after you can only smell spit. He basically swallows your entire mouth and uses his tongue as a battling ram. Ladies, this man is a selfish dude who is only going through the motions until he can actually stick his other stick to you and use that as a battering ram. You are just another piece of arse and his respect for you is as sloppy as his kiss. The vacuum sealer . This is a kiss that does not seek to share the spit but to extract all kinds of moisture from you. He is a taker. He will use you and take everything you have. The motions kiss . This guy started off as a bad kisser. Many ...

I met this guy. Now I meet guys all the time but I have one persuaded to give this guy a chance and I've agreed. I've only agreed because he has done some unsuspecting things. One of those things is telling me bedtime stories. In the beginning he started out like any other guy; talking about sex and the things he want to do to me or he wants us to be doing. That irritates the living daylights out of me. Why can't guys just take me seriously and actually get to know me. What do I like? What's my favorite color? What is my birthday? What's important to me? My friends? Who are they? Why are they my friends? Is it me or is it the age? Do I have to adapt to this new trend? This new phenomena of going straight to the point? And whose point is it anyway? Must be his because it isn't mine. I want that respect. I want to be admired for my brains. I want to be consulted. I want to be involved. I want to be the one who receives that phone call just because or to tell me ...

I'm starting to look hot like toast and men start to flock. I'm not boasting; I'm living it. Yes sure men have been interested before but I don't think I ever got honked at, whistled at or been ogled at like now. Married men are declaring their love and a small part of me is flattered and a big part is thinking what a hypocrite people really are. Is it only St. Maarten men or is this a cross-country phenomena? Y'all let me know but in my current experience men only seem to be able to talk about sex. The stalker from the nightclub tried to impress me by telling me that he works for the government on the french side and he can get me out of any trouble I find myself in. Then he proceeds to inform me that as he is the one who hooked up all the lightning in the club, he has the privilege of coming in for free. Wowww impressive! not! I didn't do manual work and I still get in for free. You would think that would be it. Nope, after that he told me that he admires my ...

It is now over 4 months ago that I did the surgery and I lost nearly 30 kilos. Don't ask me what that means in pounds or stones because I don't know. Google it. It hasn't been easy. Discovering that you cannot eat certain things that used to be taken for granted. How many times do you get home and just make a sandwich or drive by whatever fast food restaurant and get something because you are too tired to make something or too lazy? How many times do you think about what to snack on. Maybe you are out on the road and stop by the gas station or a supermarket and pick up a bag of chips/crisps or a bag of nuts, chocolate whatever? Well, I cannot do any of that. I need to be constantly thinking about what to eat, what to take with me, what to have for breakfast, lunch, in-between snacks. It is as bad as going to meetings with a snack because what happens if I get hungry? I need to eat to avoid any unpleasantness. A simple cheese sandwich is a problem. And Don't even get me...

Sometimes I can't help myself and my big mouth gets me in trouble. Those who know me, know that I do have a big mouth but I run fast as fire too. This is how my big mouth got me in trouble. I went to a meeting of the drag racing club. Am I into drag racing you ask yourself? No, I am not but these people sure keep me entertained. And I get to meet some fun people so why not? I am one of the ticket selling girls and I liven up the meetings. What more can I want. Besides one of the members make very good johnycakes and the best bush tea. Anyway, I digress again. So I was at this meeting fresh off the plane coming back from a fantastic shopping trip to Puerto Rico. Of course I am styling in one of my new dresses. Blue dress with a black belt cinching in the waist (Yes, I do have a waist nowadays) and my black sandals I was ready to sashay into the meeting. A group of us are sitting there and discussing upcoming races. As usual I am paying little to no attention until I hear them star...

My friend Maruja has a tremendous voice. I remember making her sing Whitney Houston I will always love you everytime I can convince her. Middle of the night during a late night swim, early in the morning while brushing my teeth ... It doesn't matter. I hope you enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7xDqC5ccyk&feature=share http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg8ZnysOnXY

Me and J were in the company car going somewhere. I can't remember where we were going. It must not have been very important otherwise I would have remembered. We're cruising on Pondfill, looking at people and commenting on their idiocies when I saw Him. Yes, people! Him with a capital H.  I saw this beautiful specimen of a man crossing the street in front of us. Naturally, as all women (and men) must do when they are in St. Maarten, I turned to J and asked: "So, do you know Him and what is his drama?" Let this be a lesson to all, everyone on St. Maarten has a story. Either they horn a lot, or they have been horned and retaliated or anything in between. This place is so small, I am surprised there is not a lot of incest going on. Surprisingly, she did not know Him but she knew the person he was walking with so she called out to him as you do. If he is walking with that guy than he must work at the bank;s Simpson Bay's branch. Really? Boy, this is way too simple. ...

I've been without cable for the last 4 or 5 months. Since I moved I cancelled my old cable contract and basically I have been living off internet, XBox and the occasional movie. Why you ask? Well, the one cable company sucks and the other cable company isn't digital and they are always having problems. So I decided, out of principal, that I am going to go with satellite. Only it turns out that it is not as easy as that. Anyways, SXM cable has finally decided to go digital. So I hightail it over there beginning of january only to be told that they are not accepting any new installation requests until they actually convert in february. Please come back in February they tell me. A lot of deep breaths later and some nasty looks I walk out and back in a month later. Highly efficient as island life is, I have to stand in the same line as all the people who are there to exchange their old cable box to the shiny new and much improved digital box. An hour and a half later   it is my t...

Yesterday I went to pick up my new car. A beautiful Ice teal Chevrolet Spark. That car is so me that we fell in love instantly. So I drove myself home in my new baby avoiding potholes and water and generally yelling at everyone who dared to come too close to my new baby. In good spirits I arrived at my humble abode only to find some idiot parked in my space. So I blow the horn to tell the neighbor to come and move their car. Same way they told one of our visitors to move their car even though there was a free parking space. Now they have the nerve to tell me that all parking spaces are theirs. What the hell!!! When I moved in I was told I had two parking spaces and now these people blatantly tell me that the spaces are theirs? Well, I turned around went for a spin and the minute they left I parked my car. To me, that issue is thus settled ... you don't park in my spot! But do you think they understood? Noooooo. Today the same thing again so I blocked them. I parked right behind the...

You know when you get that itchy spot on your back right between the shoulder blades. That spot that you just cannot get to so you have to find yourself a post to scratch yourself on? I used to do that a lot. Or rather, I used to have to do that a lot. Find myself a scratching post because besides my shoulder there wasn't a spot I could comfortably get to in public. But not anymore. Now I can reach! 20 kilos gone and I can reach the spot. I can reach the itch; I can sit back on my feet without hanging above the ground; I can sit on the plane without having to ask for an extension belt; I can wear a seat belt; I can put my bag on my lap; I have a lap; I can fold my arms; I had to take a link out of my watch; I can reach the itch...I can finally scratch the itch.

It's done. The operation is done. The day of the operation and those after that I was determined that my first post was going to be about the awful days after. The pain, the discomfort that no one talks about. But now I think it is just like having babies, you remember the pain but everything else is more important. The day before the operation, the nurse came to me and told me that I needed to get shaved. Sure, no problem. She told one of the junior nurses to shave me from below the breast to shorts level. At the time it seemed strange but hey they know what they are doing right? So I closed my eyes and pulled up my dress. The poor nurse started shaving, down in all the cracks, pushing things aside up and under. The curtains were blowing in the wind and I could feel the breeze, whilst praying that no one walks by to enjoy the show. The nurse was busy in my nether regions going up and under and getting the cracks good, when the chief nurse popped in. She looked on for a few secon...