Job Posted: Secretary Needed to Avoid Men Confusion

I need a secretary. I am having problems keeping all the men separated. I'm like a kid in the candy store except for one thing: I don't want the candy that wants me. This is a discussion for another time. In the meantime let me tell you about all the candidates.
We got Spiderman: he's been there since before the Big O so I can't fault him for not noticing me when I was big like a brick house. Up until last week he was my solid candidate. No sparks from my side but a potential why-not. Like when 50 hits and I am still single, I will take him up on his offer. Funny story happened last week. Going through some papers at work I accidentally uncovered that Mr. Spiderman is registered as living together with his partner. Yes, you read correctly, he has a partner. This man who has propositioned me to gift myself to him on his birthday has a partner. This information I uncovered is already a year old but that is still after he made his intentions known. He is on holidays at the moment and believe you me, I cannot wait until he is back so that I can corner him about this tidbit of info. I still need to decide how I'm going to do it. I'm thinking I will make it into a story ... slowly unravel the tale and then strike like the black widow spider. (evil laugh)
Then we have the Butler. He is married and separated yet living with his spouse. You know the type, you have heard all the excuses. He is no different. I have told him to back off until he is free and he has taken that hard. Like a personal rejection. I say it is morals and if he is really truthful about this divorce thing, it shouldn't be a problem right? So he can keep crying and begging, while I go about my business which at the moment is Octoman.
Octoman is a 48 year old man who is madly in love with me for over a year already. He has seen me and stalked me and has only now gathered the courage to approach me. He is a nice man except for the fact that he has 8 children and that he is not quite as intelligent. I need to break up with him before I really break his heart.
Do you now understand why I need a secretary because there is also a few others that are not as important but never burn all your bridges right?

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