When your feet are bare
Last time I promised you a funny story but I didn't know that I would actually have one so soon. I thought I was going to have to dig deep for a long-forgotten story or I might have to pay attention on the tube instead of reading my book or just have to let my mind wander and write down my random thoughts. Those of you who have had the luxury of getting me when I start speaking what I think now that it might be a dangerous thing to do. Some people call these trips Maurettenisms.
But relax! That is not going to happen today. Let me tell y'all what happened to me today. Nail Polish and I went out at lunchtime. The plan was to go try on some jeans, buy a salad and be back at work in half an hour. Walking towards MnS to get the salad, we're walking talking as you do when I tripped suddenly on the cobblestone roads in London. I grabbed Nail Polish to steady myself. My heart skipped a beat and I looked down accusingly. Stupid stone roads obviously designed by men as women would never think of such an uncomfortable place to walk on. If we could I am sure we would be walking on cushions.
I straightened out and took a step. Maybe I should say I tried to take a step because my shoe nearly flew away from me. My sandal strap had snapped off. Of course by now we were giggling all over the place. I think I forgot to be embarrassed as the lunch crowd and the tourists swerved around us. Of course I couldn't go back to work because I already took everything home. I normally has a few pairs of shoes under my desk but my workplace is empty. So we go in the first store. Nothing. The second store same thing. By now we are one hour in and still no shoes. The third place has the least chance of all because it is a sneakers store and I can't wear sneakers but I have no choice: I need to get something especially since Nail Polish threatened to walk 2 meters in front of me if I took my shoes off and walk barefoot.
I tried on all types of shoes except for children shoes. I tried on shoes I would never give a second look. Grandma shoes, free spirit shoes and daddy shoes. Finally I saw this lady try on some red shoes. I scanned that store and couldn't see it. I only saw a black pair. Good but not the red shoes. I asked to try on the red shoes all the time sending evil thoughts to that lady who just didn't want to take off the shoes. She walked circles in that store without taking the shoes off. She tried on other pairs all the time keeping the shoe on.
When I finally decided on taking the black after making the sales guy go back a few times to get different sizes, we made our way to MnS. As soon as I got outside I knew this was a bad mistake. See, what I didn't tell you was that I stood at the checkout wearing my size 5 and decided that it was a bit on the big size so I asked for a size 4. When the 4 came it was snug but the 5 was too big and I needed shoes so I went with the 4. Well I could feel the blister forming as soon as I walked out of that store. By the time I got to work I could barely keep a straight face. Boy, was I trying not to show Nail Polish that the shoes were killing me. I didn't know how fast to get out of those shoes.
It's time to go home and I can't get my feet in the shoes. I am wearing plasters and socks and still nothing. I know I can never make it home so I did what a good first aider does, I improvised. I got my old shoes out, took off the plasters on my feet and put my shoe back together. I grabbed someones stapler and stapled the life out of that shoe. Needless to say I got home tonight with my shoes in my hand and my feet bare.
But relax! That is not going to happen today. Let me tell y'all what happened to me today. Nail Polish and I went out at lunchtime. The plan was to go try on some jeans, buy a salad and be back at work in half an hour. Walking towards MnS to get the salad, we're walking talking as you do when I tripped suddenly on the cobblestone roads in London. I grabbed Nail Polish to steady myself. My heart skipped a beat and I looked down accusingly. Stupid stone roads obviously designed by men as women would never think of such an uncomfortable place to walk on. If we could I am sure we would be walking on cushions.
I straightened out and took a step. Maybe I should say I tried to take a step because my shoe nearly flew away from me. My sandal strap had snapped off. Of course by now we were giggling all over the place. I think I forgot to be embarrassed as the lunch crowd and the tourists swerved around us. Of course I couldn't go back to work because I already took everything home. I normally has a few pairs of shoes under my desk but my workplace is empty. So we go in the first store. Nothing. The second store same thing. By now we are one hour in and still no shoes. The third place has the least chance of all because it is a sneakers store and I can't wear sneakers but I have no choice: I need to get something especially since Nail Polish threatened to walk 2 meters in front of me if I took my shoes off and walk barefoot.
I tried on all types of shoes except for children shoes. I tried on shoes I would never give a second look. Grandma shoes, free spirit shoes and daddy shoes. Finally I saw this lady try on some red shoes. I scanned that store and couldn't see it. I only saw a black pair. Good but not the red shoes. I asked to try on the red shoes all the time sending evil thoughts to that lady who just didn't want to take off the shoes. She walked circles in that store without taking the shoes off. She tried on other pairs all the time keeping the shoe on.
When I finally decided on taking the black after making the sales guy go back a few times to get different sizes, we made our way to MnS. As soon as I got outside I knew this was a bad mistake. See, what I didn't tell you was that I stood at the checkout wearing my size 5 and decided that it was a bit on the big size so I asked for a size 4. When the 4 came it was snug but the 5 was too big and I needed shoes so I went with the 4. Well I could feel the blister forming as soon as I walked out of that store. By the time I got to work I could barely keep a straight face. Boy, was I trying not to show Nail Polish that the shoes were killing me. I didn't know how fast to get out of those shoes.
It's time to go home and I can't get my feet in the shoes. I am wearing plasters and socks and still nothing. I know I can never make it home so I did what a good first aider does, I improvised. I got my old shoes out, took off the plasters on my feet and put my shoe back together. I grabbed someones stapler and stapled the life out of that shoe. Needless to say I got home tonight with my shoes in my hand and my feet bare.
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