First Day of my New Life

I don't know how many times I have said that. Every day, every Monday, every time I mess up and look in the mirror.
This time I wish it to be different. This time I want it to be different. It needs to be different. For some reason it feels different.
Today was hard, I sat here with a grumbling stomach. I was trying to think of what to eat. If I had chocolate in the house, I probably would have eaten it. If I had anything in this house I would have eaten it. So if I am honest with myself, it wasn't entirely up to me that I stuck with it. Thank God I am so rubbish at buying groceries. Who knew that would save me.
Tomorrow is a different day and I will do it again. and the day after, and the week after I need to do it again. Somewhere I will find the strength.
I can't talk about this struggle today. I don't have it in me, but believe me when I say that this is my cross. This is the cross I have been wanting to cast aside for as many years as I can remember. It is not even getting skinny or healthy. At this point, it is about the doing it. The being able to do it. The strength to be able to do it. I didn't have it and I hope I found it.

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