Once in Awhile Don't Forget to Turn On the Light
I just walked into the house with a smile on my face. Last week was like living under a black cloud but sometime tonight I realized that I had just forgotten to turn on the light.
I get so wrapped up sometimes in expectations and unnecessary drama. I get so wrapped up in a fantasy that I know deep down is never going to come true. And I know that is exactly the reason I do it. Because it is unattainable but in my mind so perfect. Living a fantasy is addictive.
I have done it countless times before. It happened in London and it happened here again. Someone or something puts a little seed in my mind and it grows into something unrealistic. Something I know cannot possible happen but is so much safer than spending the evenings alone. That chase, the roller coaster ride, the uncertainty, that anticipation .... it is like a shot of adrenaline.
And then you realize that once again, you failed. Once again there was something you couldn't get. How often do I say it: I never get what I want. Yes you idiot because what you want is really not what you need.
I am relieved and that makes me think. I should be heart-broken; I should be a puddle of tears; I should be eating chocolate. But I'm not and that says it all. I guess for all the talk of being tough and having a mind of my own it is humbling to realize that I too can be easily influenced.
Life thank you for the life lesson and thank you for preserving me. My Blackberry status of today: never act less; never accept less.
I get so wrapped up sometimes in expectations and unnecessary drama. I get so wrapped up in a fantasy that I know deep down is never going to come true. And I know that is exactly the reason I do it. Because it is unattainable but in my mind so perfect. Living a fantasy is addictive.
I have done it countless times before. It happened in London and it happened here again. Someone or something puts a little seed in my mind and it grows into something unrealistic. Something I know cannot possible happen but is so much safer than spending the evenings alone. That chase, the roller coaster ride, the uncertainty, that anticipation .... it is like a shot of adrenaline.
And then you realize that once again, you failed. Once again there was something you couldn't get. How often do I say it: I never get what I want. Yes you idiot because what you want is really not what you need.
I am relieved and that makes me think. I should be heart-broken; I should be a puddle of tears; I should be eating chocolate. But I'm not and that says it all. I guess for all the talk of being tough and having a mind of my own it is humbling to realize that I too can be easily influenced.
Life thank you for the life lesson and thank you for preserving me. My Blackberry status of today: never act less; never accept less.
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