Tomorrow It Will Be Easier

Have you ever had this feeling that your life is about to change? That tomorrow will be the day. The day when you were finally going to succeed. The day on which you were done fighting an uphill battle and the burden will ease a little.
The time when I could walk up hills is gone but I remember focusing on each section as a 12 step program. Not only did each section got me closer to my goal, it was always a different challenge meaning the current one was over. It did not matter if it was harder, it was more about ending the current battle.
So tomorrow, tomorrow things will change. Tomorrow feels right. Tomorrows plan sits comfortable. Does it mean that I the current struggle has finished and the next is another challenge? I don't know. But I am going to give it my all. I must. For my own sanity, for my life, for my marriage, for the man I love I must choose to be happy with me. A fat me or a normal me.
Just in that one statement lies the whole issue. The sentence came out so easy and thus it is the truth. Fat or normal, that is how I see myself. Apparently fat is not normal. At forty I still struggle with self-image issues. Being loved did not change that. I used to think that way. If only I can find someone to love me for who I am. And now that I have it is still not enough.
Tomorrow it will be easier.

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