In a Way

A few months ago, a friend asked me why anyone would want to be in a relationship. For all the hurt and limitations you experience, why put yourself through it. Especially if you are independent and strong enough to be by yourself. 

My answer was that Together is Better .... in a way. 

But, this person said, whatever happened to the independent you. The one who I could call at any time and was up for anything. The one I could just call on to just st and watch tv.

I do remember that person. I remember the times when I can do and go where and when I want. I still do but there is always that pull. My thoughts are not surrounded by I's anymore but I now think in terms of We. I remember working late or early and not feeling guilty. I remember calling any of my friends male or female and not having a second thought about it. For me, men and women can be friends. I remember lazy Sundays and loud farts. I remember weekends without speaking to anyone but the casual hello from the cashier. I remember flirting with strangers to get what I want. I remember lifting heavy boxes. I remember thinking that doing groceries is a the social outing.

What happened to that person?

And then I remember that doing groceries together is more fun than doing it alone and hoping to see someone you know. I remember laughing at the first shared fart. I remember sharing popcorn at the movies as a fun thing. I remember the feeling of someone holding your hand while walking, opening the door and letting you go in first. I remember arguing about why I should be able to walk on the outside on the pavement instead of inside. Because I am an independent woman, darn it! and I am used to taking care of myself. But secretly thinking, well ti does feel nice not to have to worry about everything by myself. It does feel nice to give up a little bit of control. That extra weight was more heavy than I thought. I remember sharing laughter, the companionable silences, sharing secrets, the notes, the flowers. I now know the feeling of being cared about. I now know when someone cares about you that much that they will rub your feet for you or lotion you up when you are too tired to do it yourself. 

Together is Better ...

In a way.