Going down walking uphill

I stood just outside my dorm door watching my mother walk away. She was on her way to the airport after traveling with me to the States. Sometime in my senior year at Radulphus College I had decided to go to the States to study. My main reason: everybody goes to Holland so I do the opposite. Don't laugh but that is the way I used to make my decisions. I still do sometimes. My way of throwing the dice and seeing where it falls. I closed the door, jumped in bed and watched tv. Not realizing in that moment that I was on my own in a very big land. A place where I didn't know anyone, I didn't know what to do or what to expect. Right then I was reveling in the luxury of having dozens of stations, my own remote control and the freedom to watch what I wanted. Hours later my stomach reminded me that it was time to eat. I turned to ask my mother what we were going to eat ... and that is when I realized that my mother wasn't there. There was no one to make any decisions for me. No one was going to take care of me; I was on my own. That moment changed the rest of my life. I went out to get a box of frosted flakes and that is what I ate because it was what I wanted to eat. And I promised myself that I wasn't going to lie about it. If my mother asked or anybody asked I wasn't hiding anymore; I wasn't going to come up with a story. I thought I was woman enough to be in a strange place. I fought to be allowed to go to the States so I am going to be that woman who makes her choices and stands by them. I wasn't lying anymore. Brave words but wrong choice. That was the beginning of my obesity. I was going downhill while I was growing in all other aspects. I was becoming me, learning who I was and who I wanted to be. I was so through with being the victim, hiding in my room and reading, not getting along with my sisters and generally being pitiful. And on the other hand I was being such a child. Ice cream for lunch and dinner was not uncommon, cereal and sweets, skipping meals and not exercising. Walking uphill while skating down and enjoying every minute.