Maurette's Adventures

Tigra is quietly slumbering in her cage. She doesn't quite like it in there but I throw her a bone once in awhile.  Occasionally she stirs and growls for some attention. Just like a child I give in randomly and sometimes I ignore her. Night will come and the sun always rises, right? I have to keep savoring the moments where she is allowed to stick a paw through the door because they are not very frequent and just like chocolate you have to enjoy it when you get it. Yesterday, Tigra started to pace again and I decided that She was allowed some fun. I could throw her a doll to play with as a reward for good behaviour. So me and J got in the car and went looking for Officer Sexy. (Oh gosh she is purring again just listening to me talking about this. Down girl down!). We drove around the streets of Philipsburg trying to find the yellow shirts of the bike patrol to no avail. We even came up with the idea to start a fight just so they have to come out of their hiding place. I ...

 Freedom of Speech. What a beautiful concept right? Say whatever you want regardless if it is intelligent or hurtful. Many a things can be hidden behind those three words. During the course of history, many a wrongs have been placated by holding up the sign: Freedom of Speech. Back in college I was up late one night studying for a final exam, my downstairs neighbors, freshmen as they were, obviously thought that finals week meant party week. It was going on 4 in the morning and they were partying hard. My next door neighbor, nice pure american southern girl knocked on my door and asked me if the music was disturbing me as well. I told her that it was so we decided to go ask them to please turn the music down. We knocked on the door and she politely asked them to be considerate as we were studying for finals. Next day, about 11 at night, I heard a lot of noise again so I peeped through the peephole and I see a bunch of guys downstairs holding back my downstairs neighbor, the freshm...

I'm looking better and better everyday and my inner diva is coming out. I walk straighter; I step like I am on a runway and dudes love me. And yet I still crave chocolate and sweet things. The psychology of this is mind boggling. How do I figure out how to not have these cravings. The doctor said by accepting that having a chocolate is OK. But that means undoing years of guilt indoctrination.

"It is not you, it is me". I tried that line and it didn't work. For some reason it only provoked the male protective hormone that makes male want to protect the female. Or it might just be my lost soul that provoked that hormone to rear its ugly head. Apparently I am a scared female running from her feelings, so used to being alone that the mere thought of sharing a life with someone else and thus opening my heart to joys and sorrow is a horrifying thought so I hide. He will not give up on me; he will continue his efforts to win my heart. Fast forward two months and this time I try the plain hard truth. I don't think of you, I don't miss you and I can care less whether I see you or not. The reply was unexpected and to be fair he is a good guy so I won't disrespect him by saying what he said. But I will tell you one thing, I am exhausted. Breaking up is a hard thing to do. I need chocolate ...

I need a secretary. I am having problems keeping all the men separated. I'm like a kid in the candy store except for one thing: I don't want the candy that wants me. This is a discussion for another time. In the meantime let me tell you about all the candidates. We got Spiderman: he's been there since before the Big O so I can't fault him for not noticing me when I was big like a brick house. Up until last week he was my solid candidate. No sparks from my side but a potential why-not. Like when 50 hits and I am still single, I will take him up on his offer. Funny story happened last week. Going through some papers at work I accidentally uncovered that Mr. Spiderman is registered as living together with his partner. Yes, you read correctly, he has a partner. This man who has propositioned me to gift myself to him on his birthday has a partner. This information I uncovered is already a year old but that is still after he made his intentions known. He is on holidays at th...

The listener is gone. He has been deleted. Shift+delete. It took me a few days to execute but I had ulterior motives.  From the moment I found out that he had three baby mamas, his seconds were counting down. I should have cut it from then but since I am now a bit looser in my behavior I thought I won't cut him until I have a replacement. So I kept him. I avoided him as much as possible but he was there to boost my confidence when I needed ... until this faithful tuesday evening One day, a tuesday afternoon, I just made plans to go karaoke at a friend's place. She had bought a karaoke machine and of course I had to go test it out and sing every single song on the list. We went there and sang for hours. Dinner went and passed I wasn't letting go of the mike. That mike was glued to my hands and I was cranking out songs like a well-oiled machine until GEBE decided to interfere by cutting us off right in the middle of Killing me softly. Always known for their party pooper atti...

Girls we know it but I believe guys are clueless about the importance of a good kiss. A kiss can explain your relationship or your potential for a relationship in about 5 seconds. Depending on how he kisses, you know how he is going to treat you. The spit kiss . The name says it all. It is a kiss that leaves your face wet like you have just been attacked by a pack of dogs and for days after you can only smell spit. He basically swallows your entire mouth and uses his tongue as a battling ram. Ladies, this man is a selfish dude who is only going through the motions until he can actually stick his other stick to you and use that as a battering ram. You are just another piece of arse and his respect for you is as sloppy as his kiss. The vacuum sealer . This is a kiss that does not seek to share the spit but to extract all kinds of moisture from you. He is a taker. He will use you and take everything you have. The motions kiss . This guy started off as a bad kisser. Many ...